Jianbing, but with Taco Bell stuff
How to fix Taco Bell China "墨西哥煎饼"
If you live abroad, you're bound to get transition shock – for some, it's gunna be the growing pain of always and forever being treated as an "other"; for others, it's gunna be the months or even years before you can see your family again.
Everybody's got their thing- your humble narrator included. And while I did prepare for the language, and the culture… what I just wasn't ready for, mentally, was China's lack of Taco Bell.
It is the thing that I miss most. Those fluorescent-lit dining rooms, those vaguely Tex-Mex offerings of mystery meat of unknown providence… they're just.. burned into my limbic system. I'd be lying if I said that I hadn't at times woken up in teary cold sweats dreaming of those gorditas, crunch wraps, and churros.
I have a hole in my heart, and it's shaped liked Taco Bell.
What Taco Bell China Became
So just imagine my elation at hearing the news that after a decade long hiatus, Taco Bell announced that it would finally be re-opening in the Chinese market. Foreigner communities were abuzz. And on June 3rd, 2020, to much fanfare here in Guangdong, Taco Bell opened its Shenzhen location.
And the result? Well, the best I can describe the experience of Taco Bell China is like when your favorite book gets adapted to the screen and everything's just… off. This was not the Taco Bell of my dreams, it was a mutant… a simulacrum. It feels like Taco Bell corporate took their reputation as “food-for-the-not-sober” a bit too literally, and rebranded as a sit-down up-to-mid-market bar and restaurant with a slight hipster aesthetic. There's draft beer. There's cocktails, and espressos. You order everything by phone using a little QR code. The menu got a hatchet to it – in place of chalupas they've got French fries, fried ribs… basically, bar food minus the burgers. Even Taco Bell fire sauce was nowhere to be found – in its place they've got… Sriracha mayo. Because.. of course.
But. Even in the midst of my cloud of disappointment, there was a glimmer of hope. As soon as I took one bite of their crunchy taco, I was immediately teleported back to everything that I loved and remembered about Taco Bell. It just felt right. So in spite of their callous betrayal, I don't wish any ill against Taco Bell China. I do not want them to fail. To the contrary, they have to succeed.
A Smarter Market Position
Now, I'm not blind to the ways of the world. See, YUM Brand China's MO is adaptation – after all, this is the same company that got rich turning Pizza Huts into sit down restaurants and selling Macanese Egg Tarts at KFC. I'm not against adaptation, I just think they need to do it smarter.
See, the critical error in their analysis was to think of Taco Bell as 'drinking food'. It's not. It's drunk food – a crucial difference. Allow me to explain.
You see, what most people consider 'drinking or drunk foods' is actually a broad classification of three distinct categories of food:
Before you drink. First, there's the food you eat before you start drinking heavily – stuff to fill you up… burgers, fancy gastropub fare, feasts of Sichuan food and the like.
As you drink. Second, there's food you eat as you're drinking heavily – this is usually light, salty… stuff like peanuts, smashed cucumber, chuan chuan, this kind of thing.
After you drink. Lastly, there's the food that you consume in a haze at 2am after you're already blasted. Taco Bell is in this third category.
So for a Chinese equivalent, I think you'd need to explore the world of late night street snacks. These can span from the sublime like rou jammies or Hunan stinky tofu, to more basic fare like just.. some.. random deep fried stuff. This is the space that Taco Bell China needs to compete in. And to prove it, today we've reformulated one of the most classic northern Chinese street snacks – Jianbing Guozi – to use nothing but Taco Bell ingredients. And the end result? is a tour de force – a perfect fit for both Taco Bell and Jianbing.
Taco Bell Meat
First, we need to make a copycat of Taco Bell’s mystery beef. The internet has lots of theories on how this is produced - our meat guess was that it was a meat emulsion. This theory may or may not be correct - feel free to use your own copycat recipe.
Beef loin (外脊肉) or chuck (牛腱肉), 400g.
Pork belly (五花肉), 100g.
Salt, 5g.
Water, 30g. Adding and mixing the salt and water in with the beef meat paste at first will help it break down.
Seasoning:
Garlic powder, ¼ tsp.
Onion powder, ¼ tsp.
MSG (味精), ¼ tsp.
Cumin powder (孜然粉), ½ tsp.
Spanish smoked paprika, ½ tsp.
Sugar, ½ tsp.
Cocoa powder, ½ tsp.
Mexican-style chili powder, 1 tsp.
Black pepper, a couple cracks.
Chopped oats, 10g.
Slurry:
Water chestnut starch (马蹄粉), 15g.
Water, 30g.
Tomato paste, 1.5 tbsp.
Dark soy sauce (老抽), 1 tsp.
Water, 1-3 tbsp. To be added near the end of cooking.
Note: We used pork belly in addition to beef because beef in China is often quite lean. We used loin, but feel free to use cheaper cuts like chuck. Pretty sure Taco Bell doesn't season this aggressively, but whatever.
Process:
Dice the 400g of beef and 100g of pork, then hand mince using a couple cleavers, ~5 minutes. We got this pretty pasty for this video, but you don't have to be as paranoid with this one as you do with a proper Chinese meat emulsion.
Add 5g of salt and 30g of water, mix well. Add the seasoning - ¼ tsp garlic powder, ¼ tsp onion powder, ¼ tsp msg, ½ tsp cumin powder, ½ tsp spanish smoked paprika, ½ tsp sugar, ½ tsp cocoa powder, 1 tsp mexican-style chili powder, a couple cracks black pepper - and 10g of chopped oats, mix well.
In a separate bowl, mix together 15g of water chestnut starch, 1.5 tbsp of tomato paste, and 30g of water. Add this mix to the meat, mix well.
In a skillet over a medium high flame, fry the meat mixture and break it up as it's cooking. After ~8 minutes of continuous breaking up, the meat should be cooked. Add one teaspoon of dark soy sauce, mix well, and add in the water - how much water will depend on how water-y you'd like the mix. I added two tablespoons in the video, but feel that I actually could have added more.
For the Jianbing
Note: For this recipe you will need a gas stove, detachable stove grates (to double up on), a metal spatula (to use in place of that sharp sort of spatula/knife), and something to help spread the batter.
AP Flour (中筋面粉), 180g.
Cornmeal (玉米面), 60g.
Mungbean flour (绿豆面), 60g.
Five Spice Powder (五香粉), 1 tsp.
Salt, 1 tsp.
Water, 420mL.
Process:
Mix the dry ingredients - 180g AP flour, 60g cornmeal, 60g mungbean flour, 1 tsp five spice powder, and 1 tsp salt. Add in 420mL of water. Use a rubber spatula or egg whisk to incorporate the water and break up the clumps. Do not over-mix, but there should be no clumps remaining.
Heat up your large cast iron skillet to ~100C - medium high flame - then ladle in your Jianbing batter. Each Jianbing will use roughly a quarter of your batter. Spread it evenly, and if there's any missing spots, add a spoonful or two of batter to patch it up.
Once the batter is set and no longer liquidy (~15-30 seconds), crack 1-2 eggs, break them up, and spread them over the bing. Optionally sprinkle over some toasted black sesame seeds.
Wait until the edges curl up and the jianbing no longer sticks to the pan. This will take a bit. Depending on the intensity of the flame and residual heat in the pan (if making multiple), we've found that this will take at least three minutes, or up to eight. It can be a nice idea to adjust the position of the pan if certain areas are looking more done than others.
Flip. Brush on your sauces and sprinkle on your toppings. Fold the sides over the toppings (we find it easiest to leave the ends open), slice down the middle, and stack.
Other Taco Bell Toppings for the Jianbing
“Fire sauce", mimicked with a mix of two parts hot sauce to one part tomato paste
Sour cream
Shredded cheese
Diced onions
Tortilla chips (would likely be better with, like, a proper tostada)
Diced tomatoes
Shredded lettuce
And while we didn't include this in the video (because Taco Bell doesn't use these ingredients IIRC), brightening this up with a bit of cilantro & a tiny spritz of lime would probably make for the most delicious end result. Oaxaca cheese would also likely be a more delicious option than our mystery 'Mexican cheese' mix.